Influences

I feel influenced by people I shouldn't be influenced by. I feel like a lot of people around me influence me, and a lot of people around me are assholes. If it weren't for many people I know, I would probably have a more innocent and less rude, mean personality. At first, I thought it was just a big joke, but now it's actually turned into me being a genuinely worse person. It's turned into a headache. It's ruining my social life, and I feel like I can't do anything to stop it. I apologize for the random venting on my blog, as most of the posts on here are very light-hearted. People who read this blog probably don't even know the half of it.
Sometimes I just wanna stop talking to people because I feel like they wanna stop talking to me. I feel like I know why people wanna stop talking to me. It's just starting to feel very...uncomfortable, to say the least. I'm starting to realize that people who don't usually talk to me are thinking that this is actually how I want to act. They think that I'm wanting to act like an asshole, but I think I'm just doing it as a joke. I go too far and act too smug against people I know, and sometimes I'll just go too hard on them, then feel terrible afterwards because I just basically "bullied" someone I know, someone who was probably a friend of mine.
These influences come from both in real life, and online, but mostly online. You know who you are, and I'm sorry if I somehow offended you with this. It's not that I don't wanna be your friend anymore. I'm sure most of you are fine with me directly calling you out, but I still won't because I feel too paranoid that I'll lose you guys as well.
I apologize if this blog post was very redundant with my word choices. These words just come out without any thoughts and I just press "publish".